The World is Ending.

19 May

So the world is ending on May 21st. Apparently.

Jesus is coming. Judgement day is here.

How do we know this? Well of course, some of our good Christian friends helped work it out. They have given irrefutable evidence as to why this will happen.

The first unquestionable proof that have provided is  based on Genesis 7:4, when God said to Noah: “Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”

When God referred to seven days, he meant both seven days and seven thousand years, because “one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” Obviously! Duh!

The flood occurred in 4990 BC. Seven thousand years later is 2011.Ha.

The second proof looks at the significance of the number of days between the Crucifixion and May 21, 2011.

There are 722,500 days between these dates. 722,500 is a significant number because it is composed of the significant numbers 5x10x17x5x10x17. Five signifies redemption; ten signifies completion; and 17 signifies heaven. The numbers represent the day of redemption (5) and the end of the Christian era (10) and the ascent to heaven (17) — and these factors are doubled for added significance.

So there you have it, irrefutable evidence that the world will end on the 21st May 2011. Except… isn’t just mashing some numbers together into a supposed symbolic formula and reading a book written by a number of men (Not God. Men) just a bit… well, bullshit really. I’m not saying that all Christians are idiots for believing this, because I’m sure most of them don’t. But to those who do, I’d like to see their Christian values maximized in these last remaining days. Giving all their money away to good causes is a start, perhaps washing the feet of elderly tramps or maybe even just being around the servants of God; Priests. I’m sure that with such an event as Judgement day approaching they will have their hands full, so it could be hard to track one down. Though of course as with many Priests, its much easier to find them if you just follow a trail of sweets. They give a new meaning to the term ‘gobstopper.’

So guys, if it does come about that Judgement day is actually upon us. Then fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’ll regret writing this blasphemy.

Jesus.

Blow.

Me.

The Fiddler Scribbler

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