The Return.

14 Jun

I
have
the internet
again. It’s brilliant.

Hello my fellow friends, I am back. Yes after a rather frustrating time of almost 3 weeks without the internet, it is back. Now perhaps you are wondering why I, someone who doesn’t live in a third world country like Wales would lose the internet for such a long time(3 weeks is long!)? Well the story is simple. Sky, the company, are in short. Massive, massive cunts. I find it hard to describe how much of a festering cunt they are. There isn’t even a scale I can think of to compare it to. Sure Hitler was a cunt, but lets not forgot he did some great things with Germany, he made them achieve a great deal in a very short period of time. He built Germany up from a shit heap into an incredible military force with rather fantastic motorways and low unemployment in 6 years, Sky couldn’t even turn my internet back on in 3 weeks. Hitler would have had it back on within a week, complete with its own portable gas chamber. Cold hard efficiency.

Now I don’t want this to turn into an account where I ‘the Fiddler Scribbler’ just moan, moan, moan about Sky, so I will leave it there. Well not there. <-

Sky are
massive massive
CUNTS

But here. <-

On Wednesday I will be sharing some tea and biscuits with some Jehovah witnesses who are visiting me. Hmmm I may even buy a pack of scones for the occasion, we’ll see how I feel. If any of you have read my previous rather atheist posts this may come as a shock to you that I would enjoy a spot of luncheon with such devils as ‘the believers that try to make you believe.’ The reason being? I felt sorry for them, and at first admittedly for my own amusement. They were standing opposite the tree house that I currently reside in, attempting to speak to… well anyone they could really, and as I saw them hopping from house to house being ignored by all, I felt sorry for them and admired the mental strength it must take to cope with so much rejection, my friend Terry has exactly the same problem. So after a rendition of Boney M’s ‘Wings of the dove,’ to gain their attention, I invited them up.

They came up.

I woke up some hours later with a brass crucifix sticking out of my now very sore bumhole. Nay, I jest. They came up and gave me some of their religious ho-ha, I countered back my atheist ha-ha. I was willing to let them speak and tell me their thoughts but unfortunately they opened (once we’d done introductions and sat down with some teas, both had one sugar) with something along the lines of the fact that ‘everyone else was living wrong, they were the truth, that they spoke the words of the God Almighty Jehovah and lived directly to his words.’ What this actually means is that they live according to the bible. This didn’t sit right for me, being told I was wrong and that the bible was God’s words. So I told them so with flourishing hand gestures that would rival the wand wizardry of Albus Dumbledore himself.  ‘Why the bible was written by men, mortal men, lots of different mortal men! Many different accounts yet only a few of them actually had their words chosen for the final cut. I imagine it was quite similar to ‘X-Factor,’ or a ‘God’s got Talent’ if you will, and let us remember this was all compiled together almost 300 years after the death and subsequent resurrection of Christ!’ So yes…How did I get from this less than brilliant start to having them over again on Wednesday? Well… they converted me.

Like-fucking-ly. No, not that, but after about 20 minutes of back and forth Jehovah talk, I asked them to just be normal, to talk about life,  not just the words of God. Now admittedly they did find this hard, their life is completely centered around God, but we did get somewhere, and you know what? Lovely people. I wouldn’t want them round a lot, because I would get quite annoyed in the end, but they were nice if just a tad strange. Yet perhaps being a true believer makes you appear strange to a world of increasing non-believers. I believe this modern world doesn’t really compliment religion. It’s not like ‘peas and carrots,’ its more like ‘banana and tuna,’ only apparent weirdo’s like it. There are too many temptations and there is too much fun to be had in this modern world to really commit yourself to something that’s dated and who’s beliefs about creation have been getting raped by scientific discoveries.

But I know that if this whole Religion thing does turn out to be true, then if any people are going to heaven it will be most likely be the Jehovah Witnesses because they live according to the bible, thus God’s words, and they are trying to ‘save’ us. At least however, whilst we all roast in hell, we can be safe in the knowledge that our doors will not be knocked on, and we can be saved the awkwardness of ushering them away.

The Fiddler Scribbler

p.s. On Wednesday however they won’t be ushered away. No, no, they will be welcomed, and you know what? I’m gunna get those scones.

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One Response to “The Return.”

  1. Sigh, I should start writing for you or atleast checking for you. July 25, 2011 at 10:38 pm #

    Sigh, you really need to read. jehovah witnesses aren’t Christian. Christianity entails the worship of Christ in some form or another. A mormon is more of a Christian than a witness is. No, they don’t believe in hell, and yes they do believe in heaven but they won’t be going because according to them, it’s all full up buddy. only 144 000 make it.. oh forgot, apparently they control heaven because they had that number increased in the late 1900s to accommodate the ones that didn’t get killed off in the third or fourth end of the world or however many they had predicted and gotten wrong.

    That all said you do have a talent for writing and this is your blog, so I’ll leave you to it.

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