I have one breast a lot larger than the other, am I a freak?

19 Jul

If you a genuinely searching about this because you suffer from it, then I suggest it is best that you don’t read further, this is a satirical blog and might offend/upset you. A website you can check out is www.polands-syndrome.com, which will give you further information.

If they look like the Willy Wonka’s above then yes my dear, you are a freak, a massive one. If however there is only a subtle difference then you have nothing to worry about, it’s quite common. Get it out of your head and learn to love both your little breast and your large. Equally.

If you are similar to ‘mutant a’ above then may I offer my most sincere condolences for your misfortune. You are a sufferer of ‘Poland syndrome.’ I have never to my knowledge met one of your kind before. I suppose I must have assumed that Professor X with Wolverine, Storm and the rest of the gang had rounded you all up. Or failing that, you had been snatched from your beds at night by ‘the government’ to perform scientific experiments on you. I mean you could be dangerous, someone could harness your mutant ability and it could be used as to help feed a Clone army. A Clone army that could rise up and rule this world. A Clone army that relies on the goodness that exists within you and your mutant sisters larger breast. You would be at the forefront of society, someone of great importance, you could honestly do whatever you wanted to… Well with whatever free time you would have after the 8-12 hours a day of serious milking, but wouldn’t it all be worth it just to have the nickname 0f ‘Cravendale?’ Yes, yes it would. But…

Whilst it might seem a dream to live the highly comfortable and respected life of a super milker for a Clone army it does have its drawbacks. Over time it could be that the Clone army developed into preferring SMA or cows milk and in all honesty they probably would grow to prefer other types of milk. Whilst they might not be as full of goodness, it does mean that they wouldn’t have to suckle from a pair of breasts that resemble Laurel and Hardy.

Now joking aside I want you to know that your freakish breasts are not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. This is where I like to think we are sharing what I call a ‘Good Will Hunting’ moment. I imagine your are crying, hugging your screen and are extremely appreciative of what a fantastic thing I have done for you. Do I want you to thank me again and again and again? No, I don’t want that, I don’t need to validate that I’ve done an amazing thing for you, I know that already. Do I at least want a small thank you? Yeah I suppose so, everyone deserves a thank you when they’ve done a good job. I have through our ‘Good Will Hunting’ moment given you the tools to go on and be happy with your life and your wonky tonkies.

If in some way and I don’t see how it can’t of, but if in some way I have not helped you and you are not entirely satisfied with your David and Goliath (and I can completely understand why you wouldn’t be, I mean who would?) then you have a two different options you can take. One which is tried and tested and is world wide renown and the other a lesser known option.

1. The first and most obvious way to combat it – Visit Poland. You probably have this because you haven’t visited Poland before, it’s the complete opposite of Stockholm syndrome.

2. The lesser known option is to have corrective surgery, this could be covered by the NHS, as despite it being a breast operation it’s not seen as a ‘vanity thing,’ rather a ‘get this fucking freakish thing off me.’


2 Responses to “I have one breast a lot larger than the other, am I a freak?”

  1. Rachel March 17, 2012 at 3:48 am #

    This is so fucking offensive. You should take this down, some girl with uneven breasts like that might read this and just feel horrible about herself after reading what you have written. You should feel awful.

    • The Fiddler Scribbler April 14, 2012 at 9:04 am #

      ‘The Gash Write’ is offensive by nature and has never tried to hide that, as a ‘satirical blog,’ what else did you really expect with a title like that? Having said that however, I am going to add a little warning at the start of this post because I understand that it could cause potentially upset some people. If in turn I have upset you, I apologize.

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