Channel 4’s Time team discover Hitler’s missing testicle.

22 Aug

In what will be regarded as one of the most significant discoveries in recent history, Channel 4’s Time team yesterday revealed they had found what they believe to be Hitler’s infamous missing testicle. The team of specialists headed by presenter Tony Robinson made the startling discovery whilst carrying out an archaeological dig in a yet to be named location in London.

Whilst the full details of the landmark find are yet to be disclosed, sources close to Tony Robinson and the team have revealed that the dig took place ‘in close proximity’ to the Royal Albert Hall and had turned up ‘quite a number of surprises.’ It is understood that the team were initially searching for the remains of a medieval chapel when archaeologist Garry Turner (who lists his interests as digging holes, eating porridge and collecting stamps) stumbled upon a tunnel which he believed led to a ‘leacht’, a type of medieval shrine room. To the teams astonishment however the shrine room was constructed from very modern materials and appeared to be very well kept and maintained. The testicle (which we are told looks in a very healthy condition) was found floating in a simple wooden chalice on top of a 3.14ft gold shrine. The fluid the testicle was floating in is not yet known.

Since the finding the internet has become a hot bed of rumours ranging from “It’s not really Hitler’s testicle” to “When you put Hitlers testicle in water, it fizzes up like an alka-seltzer and gives you the elixir of life.” Presenter Tony Robinson was quick to refute the doubters through his Twitter page when he stated that “a number of scientific techniques were used to confirm it was Hitlers testicle. Watch the show guys, its going to be an absolute cracker.” Robinson refused to reveal any further details of the show or deny reports that the chalice holding the testicle glowed when picked up, which to many people will be reminiscent of something out of an Indiana Jones film. The show, which will be aired in 2 weeks is expected to set rating records as the nation tunes in to see the truth about the hype. Following the riots Chief Commissioner Howard Davies was quick to warn any potential rioters and looters that any attempt to steal the testicle would be foolish. “The testicle is in a secure location and any rumours of it providing an elixir of life are way wide of the mark, I implore people to stay at home.” With the future currently looking bleak for England, the finding of Hitler’s infamous missing testicle should serve as a reminder to why and when we fight.


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