The ‘Virgin’ Mary. Un-fucking-likely.

26 Aug


Picture it, you’ve just come home from a long day at work. Your tired, you’ve got wooden shavings in your beard and your fingers are sore with blisters. Then your young fiancee (who has been away with her friend for a few months) tells you that despite being a virgin…she’s pregnant. What would you do? I know that if I was as skilled a carpenter as Joseph I’d most likely whittle up a quick coffin for a hasty burial for the cheating little bitch.

BUT Mary had an explanation… She was pregnant with the child of God. She knew this because an Angel had visited her and told her. I would have loved to have seen Joseph’s face as she told him this! Initially Joseph thought about breaking off the engagement and even of sending Mary off to be stoned (not your good ‘lets get blazed stoned,’ just your ‘throwing rocks at someone until they’re dead’ stoned.) Whilst contemplating what he should do, Joseph was visited by an Angel who reassured him that Mary had been impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Now is it just me or do you think that maybe Mary spiked him with either ketamine, opium or magic mushrooms, got dressed up as an angel and told him this? I’ll tell you something for nothing (though donations are welcome), Jeremy Kyle would have seen through Mary’s lies immediately!  Joseph however (all credit to the simpleton) decided to accept what Mary and the magic mushroom induced Angel had told him despite the public humiliation he would face. I must say that I feel sorry for Joseph, he was obviously just a nice guy who got taken for a ride… by a 13 year old!

I imagine I will receive some messages from Christians telling me why I’m wrong, and how Mary was a virgin. So Christians I ask you, where is your proof that she was? I don’t want to be hearing that the proof is in the bible, because the words of the bible are not facts, they’re the words of men. Also take into account that the term ‘virgin’ was mistranslated and was originally written as ‘young girl.’ Also take into consideration that Mary, being Jewish would have known of the prophecy about Immanuel in Isaiah 7:14. “Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.” If I was confronted with being stoned to death, I’d probably use this last ditch excuse as well.

It should also be noted that Jesus is far from the first to be conceived of a supposed virgin birth. This group has many famous alumni’s such as the big bellied Buddha, Romulus, Krishna, Pharaoh Amenkept III, Ra, Perseus, Romulus, Mithras, Krishna, Horus, Melanippe, Auge, Antiope and many, many more….

Part 2, coming soon….

Advertisements

What you sayin?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: