If you read books using a kindle you’re not a ‘bit of a cunt,’ no, you’re a 100% CUNT.

4 Dec

To Kindle readers

Why?! When?! How?! Did you decide that buying a Kindle to read novels and such was a good idea. At what point did that (evidently retarded) brain of yours come to the conclusion that Kindle was the future of reading? I would happily stamp on your stupid fucking face, hap-pi-ly. You may think I’m being rather aggressive, I’m not. This is me controlling my anger. People who read using a Kindle should honestly do the world a favour and die, preferably by a painful suicide. I’m not going to give suggestions of how they should kill themselves because that wouldn’t be right, they should choose their own way of leaving this world, as long as they are hasty about it. Chop, chop, get to it. I really can not stand to see another CUNT on the train using one. Honestly who wants to spend about £120 on a thing that looks like a piece of shit? Which is exactly what it looks like. Shit. It’s not like all books are free afterwards or anything. No, you have to buy the books anyway. So why don’t you just buy the actual fucking book you absolute class A cretin? Or better still, get them from your local library. It’s an absolute disgrace how many libraries have closed down in the last 5-10 years, these are a staple point of our culture, our history. We need children to visit the library, become friends with the old whisker faced librarian ‘Doris’ and take pleasure in sliding their books over the magnetic check out seal. I envisage the future generations spending time playing games on their ‘ipad 20’ rather than settling down and enjoying a nice good read. It’s a bleak future for books, and Kindle is making it worse.

Why would you choose reading a book through a Kindle over an actual book? You can’t smell the pages on a fucking Kindle. You can’t do anything on a fucking Kindle. I lie actually, you can do one thing… you can ensure that I will ruin you if I see you reading one. In fact, can my readers make a pledge that if they see someone reading through a Kindle, that you will let them know that they are ‘a massive fucking cunt.‘ These people need to be told, any ‘It was a gift from someone’ doesn’t cut it. If you get any replies like this, grab them by the throat and tell them ‘that’s not good enough, you should have exchanged it, wheres the fucking recipt!?’

Anyway, if you are a good person, I’m sure before soon you will get to do this. If you happen to be arrested for it, you can inform the police that you were doing this on instructions from myself. I will take the flak, and if any Kindle readers have subsequently decided ‘he’s right, I should kill myself.‘ GOOD. Ensure you quote this article in any suicide note you write. I would like to be told, at least then I know I’ve achieved something writing this.

Remember people, you see a Kindle reader. Give them hell.
Kindle readers, fuck off and die. You are the worst kind of people.

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