Everybody loves Raymond. Really? Reeeeally?!

16 Jul

I think a more appropriate title would be ‘Everybody hates Raymond… And his family, they’re a bunch of cunts as well.’

Firstly, it’s quite a catchy title, well it’s something I’d consider watching at least. Secondly, you’re not committing the crime of false advertising. Honestly, does anyone even like Raymond? Let alone love the fucking twat! And finally, by giving a full synopsis of what the entire sitcom is about in its title, people can decide if they want to watch it from that alone. I mean even someone from my local down-syndrome gang would be able to guess the general plot line of ‘Snakes on a plane,’ unless of course (as is often the case) they’re too engrossed in their alphabet spaghetti to care. But what I’m really getting at is… I’m here to offer a simple solution.

Scrap the title. All it does is scream ‘lies.’

Don’t pay someone $2million for each 30 minute episode. That’s fucking ludicrous! He is READING from a script. He didn’t write this. The (not so) ‘funny’ words that we hear from that o’ so annoying voice are not his creation. This bellmunch gets $2million to act out some shitty scene that’s been done a hundred times before on the show.

RAY
‘Oh no, my Mum’s coming over, quick, lock the door. Quick quick. Now, shhh! shhh!’

RAY and WIFE wait silently crouched next to their front door

MUM comes through the back door

MUM
Hellooooo, Raymond. Hello sweetie?

RAY
The back door! Ohhh no, I forgot! (Raymond slaps his forehead, covers his face and groans)

AUDIENCE LAUGHTER

Is this really funny? No. It’s not. What they should do with that money is invest it in projects that make a difference. Help set up clean water in Africa, build youth clubs for disadvantaged youths, give war veteran amputees prosthetic limbs. Film it all, and show it. Everyone loves seeing an inspiring story. Everyone loves seeing dreams come true. Everyone loves a happy ending. What everyone doesn’t love however… is fucking Raymond.

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